Category: Joke Board
MEMO FROM SANTA
I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer be able to service the Southern United Sates on Christmas Eve. Due to overwhelming current polulation of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Nebraska, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us. Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys are insured by Smith & Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC Cola and a peanut patty (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doisn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen......." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and LaBonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliot and Petty."
5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves reply, " I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words, "Back Off!"
7. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
8. Bubba Claus refuses to wear the standard issue Santa cap because he says it makes him look like a girly-boy. He has been granted permisson to wear a white Stetson with a red band instead, and black cowboy boots.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
(Member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)
grin if only eh... on 2nd thoughts maybe not
lol
lol, ive seen that before somewhere. another good one.